


Six Times DUM-E Made It Worse (and One Time He Fixed It)

by FestiveFerret



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bot nonsense, DUM-E's Very Important Jobs, Dum-E - Freeform, Falling In Love, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Minor Tony Angst, Romance, he tries but, it doesn't always go well, outsider pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 05:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14742542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FestiveFerret/pseuds/FestiveFerret
Summary: DUM-E has a lot of Very Important jobs to do, and he does his best to do them right. Sometimes, though, things don't work out very well.All he wants is for his humans to be happy.





	Six Times DUM-E Made It Worse (and One Time He Fixed It)

**Author's Note:**

> This is absolute fluffy nonsense to make up for breaking hearts this morning.
> 
> For the bingo square "make-it-worse." Instead of doing the trope, I decided to take it literally.

~One~ 

DUM-E trundled across the lab with the can of Iron Man red paint clutched carefully in his claw. Tony had given him a Very Important job: stack the cans of paint from the fabricator in the corner so the fabricator could be cleaned.

Step One: Remove the can.

Step Two: Place the lid on the can.

Step Three: Bang the lid to attach it firmly to the can.

Step Four: Carry the can to the corner.

Steve Five: Stack the can carefully.

Repeat.

He was four cans in out of thirteen when Steve entered the lab. DUM-E waved his claw politely at Steve as he rolled past, on his way to take can five out of the fabricator, and Steve waved back.

"What's DUM-E doing?" Steve asked.

"Oh, he's cleaning the fabricator." Tony replied.

"Good for him!" Steve beamed, and DUM-E beeped with pleasure.

Tony hovered by his desk, shifting from foot to foot, and DUM-E had to change course to avoid bumping into him. He arrived at the fabricator and carefully pressed the button that released the next can of paint.

"Um, Steve? I actually, uh, I wanted to talk to you about something…"

The side panel fell open with a hiss and the can appeared, its lid caught on a magnet against the side where it wouldn't be lost. DUM-E pulled the can free and set it on the ground - it was white this time.

"Oh? Really? What's up?" Steve asked.

DUM-E grabbed the lid next and placed it on the can, nudging it softly with the edge of his claw until it covered the hole completely. 

"Yeah," Tony's voice had gone soft, breaking a little at the edges. "Um. I was wondering if maybe sometime… you'd like to go to din-"

DUM-E slammed his claw down on the lid over and over, using all of his leverage to whack it as hard as he could. If the lid wasn't properly seated, Tony had explained, the paint would dry out, and that would be Not Good. DUM-E whacked it harder, locking his wheels and watching in satisfaction as the lid nestled snugly in the hole.

"DUM-E!" 

DUM-E stopped. He swung his arm around to turn his embedded camera towards Tony and Steve. They were standing close beside each other, much closer than usual. And Tony's cheeks were unusually pink. DUM-E filed a report with JARVIS to monitor for signs of ill-health, according to protocol. 

"Will you stop that  _ racket?"  _ Tony said, clearly exasperated. 

DUM-E filed a query with JARVIS.

"He would like to know if this new order should replace his previous one, as 'making a racket' is a necessary part of cleaning the fabricator."

Tony growled and slumped down in his chair. Steve looked pained. "What did you want to ask me?" Steve said to Tony, while DUM-E hovered uncertainly.

Tony waved a hand. "Nevermind," he grumbled, "I'll ask you another time."

"Alright… if you're sure?"

"Yeah… it's just. I really need to get this thing cleaned or the paint will dry out." Tony wouldn't meet Steve's eye, turning back to his screen where he opened some files, seemingly at random, and started clicking around. 

"Okay…" Steve hovered for a moment, then turned and walked out of the lab.

Tony waited until he was out of sight, then dropped his face in his hands. "You stupid, cowardly idiot," he bit out. DUM-E waited to see if that was directed towards him or not. It seemed, it wasn't. 

He was about to go fetch the blanket off the back of the couch, and a smoothie from the kitchenette, because both of those things seemed to make Tony happier, in general. But then Tony let out a sharp breath, leapt to his feet and pointed at DUM-E. "Okay, buddy, get smashing. We've got to get this thing cleared out by tomorrow morning so we can start the Mark XXIV!"

DUM-E raised his claw and banged it down on the paint can with satisfaction.

 

~Two~

_ One week later… _

DUM-E took a lap around the lab. He was alone tonight, but he didn't mind. Steve had arrived in the lab three hours ago and played fetch with DUM-E while Tony got changed. They'd walked out of the lab hand in hand, and they appeared to be happy.

DUM-E let out a trill of beeps as he rounded a corner. U rumbled into his path. DUM-E beeped at him to move. U beeped at DUM-E to make him. DUM-E stretched out with his claw and shoved at U's chassis. This was DUM-E's path around the lab, and U was being Very Difficult. 

"Would you knock that off,"JARVIS said disapprovingly. "Mr. Stark would not like to return home to the two of you missing parts. Do be careful."

DUM-E raised his claw in defiance of JARVIS' rules, and U seized the opportunity to get the upper hand. He shoved his own claw under the joint of DUM-E's and shoved. The whole world tilted and DUM-E sensors went haywire, spewing data at him that made no sense. He spun his wheels but he didn't move. His camera was on a strange angle.

"Now look what you've done," JARVIS scolded. "Mr. Stark is going to be very upset to be called during his date, but my bot protocols indicate I must contact him. I hope you're happy with yourselves."

U, it seemed, was very happy with himself. He found DUM-E's ball and rolled it around on the lab floor, making circles around DUM-E, who still couldn't seem to move, no matter how many times he spun his wheels. He beeped several error codes, tried a reboot, tried a diagnostics check but nothing worked. He was stuck.

"Just stay calm," JARVIS said. "Mr. Stark will be home soon. Save your error codes, he'll need them."

DUM-E fell silent. U rolled over and nudged him gently with his claw.

"Yes, you should feel bad. You might have damaged him, silly bot."

U beeped sadly. 

It took 43 minutes for Tony to arrive in the lab.

"What did you do?!" he exclaimed, as soon as he burst through the door. DUM-E rotated his camera so he could see him. Steve was trailing in behind him, both of them in the nice suits they'd left in. Steve had an artfully folded cardboard box under one arm and he did not look happy. Neither did Tony.

JARVIS explained what had happened in very disapproving tones while Tony fussed over DUM-E's chassis.

"Well, he doesn't seem damaged. Can you help me lift him up?"

Steve nodded and came to stand on the other side of DUM-E. He lifted, while Tony steadied the base. DUM-E's sensors went haywire again, and then, miraculously, everything was alright once more. Tony's hands flitted all over his chassis. "Oh, you big dummy," he said in his Fond But Exasperated voice. "You cracked a gear."

Steve made a small noise, and Tony looked back up from DUM-E to meet his eye. 

Tony set his mouth into a firm line. "You'll have to wait until tomorrow, bud. Steve and I were in the middle of something."

"What! No, you can't make him wait, he's hurt."

"He's a bot, Steve he can't  _ feel  _ it."

"I know… but he does think, and it must be scary."

Tony fiddled with the edge of the broken gear, and DUM-E filed several Damage Reports with JARVIS then started a full diagnostic cycle. "I promised you a good time," Tony said sadly.

"I had a good time," Steve insisted. "A short good time -" he grinned "- but a good time. Rain check on the second half?"

"Alright." 

Steve reached out and squeezed Tony's hand. "Sorry you're hurt, DUM-E, I hope you feel better."

DUM-E beeped morosely. His diagnostics were a sea of critical errors. The door shut behind Steve, and Tony sighed. He shucked his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. "I know you didn't mean to, buddy, but boy did you just ruin a really good first date. If he doesn't take advantage of that raincheck, I'm going to sell you for parts, old friend." Tony started working DUM-E's chassis open, and the bot settled into the familiar feeling of Regular Maintenance. It was comforting.

 

~Three~

_ Four days later.. _

"I've got to get this project done, okay? DUM-E!" DUM-E trundled over to see how he could be of use. "It's time to buckle down, pal. Don't let anyone in. I'm in hermit mode until I have a presentation ready for the board."

DUM-E waved his claw in agreement then rolled over to the door where he took up guard. No one was allowed in. He would see to it.

The first hour, he performed his role admirably. No one appeared, and the lab remained successfully empty except for Tony and DUM-E's bot siblings.  

The second hour, even more successful than the first.

Halfway through the third hour, DUM-E was presented with a challenge in the form of one Steve Rogers. He was bright pink, moving in a jerky, uncontrolled way that DUM-E found hard to track and his breathing was faster than usual. DUM-E filed a report with JARVIS to monitor for signs of ill-health, according to protocol. 

Steve was also holding a bouquet of flowers, wrapped in green paper and the end, visible peeking out of his fist, was completely mushed and twisted as if he'd been squashing it and fiddling with it the whole elevator ride down.

"Hi, DUM-E," Steve said.

DUM-E waved his claw. Steve stepped closer, and DUM-E slid to the side to block the door more fully. 

"Um. Can I come in?"

DUM-E shook his claw slowly back and forth. 

"I can't?" Steve's face fell. "Oh. I just wanted to - uh - give these to Tony." He shuffled again. "To thank him… we had a nice time last night." Steve said, by way of explanation. 

DUM-E pondered what that could mean. It seemed that Steve and Tony had a nice night most nights, if their smiles and laughter were anything to go by. And JARVIS had assured him they were. 

"Tony's busy?" Steve tried, his face turning even redder.

DUM-E nodded his claw up and down.

"Oh. Well... I could wait?" Steve looked down at the flowers. "Or. Um. I'll come back. Or not. He should work, if it's that important. I'll see him another time. You're a good boy, DUM-E." Steve patted the top of DUM-E's claw arm, and he beeped with pleasure.

Four hours later, Tony called out for DUM-E's help, and the bot abandoned his sentry position by the door to help Tony lift a piece of gold-titanium alloy into place. 

"Thanks, bud." Tony poked his hologram blueprints then picked up his phone only to frown at it. "Hm. I really thought I'd hear from him. Guess it wasn't as good a date as I thought it was," Tony said to himself with a sigh. "Should have taken him on the boat ride after all. Stupid." Tony tossed his phone aside and dove back into work with renewed vigour.

 

~Four~

_ Two weeks later… _

DUM-E sat sullenly on his charging plate. Today had been Boring. Steve and Tony had spent the whole afternoon sitting side by side on the couch, watching a movie on one of the holoscreens, and no one had even suggested that DUM-E move something or make a smoothie. He was fully charged, but to pass the time, he'd rock forward off the plate, whir a few motors to drop down to 99%, then roll back onto the plate and charge back to 100%.

On the couch, Steve yawned, stretching his arms up high, then dropped them back to the couch, one arm now out along the top of the cushions behind Tony. DUM-E sorted through his files on human body language. Yawning could be a sign of boredom. It seemed Steve was bored too. Perhaps he'd like to play.

DUM-E trundled off his charging pad and took a turn around the room, looking for his favourite ball. There were many benefits to the game Steve called "Fetch" not the least of which was the praise the bot received every time he brought the ball back. 

The movie was clearly not interesting to Steve and Tony, because they were looking at each other now, instead of the screen. Both their cheeks were pink, and Steve's knuckles were white where they gripped the back of the couch. Tony's breathing was shortened, and DUM-E zoomed his camera in to see Steve's pulse-point jumping unusually fast in his neck. DUM-E filed a report with JARVIS to monitor for signs of ill-health, according to protocol. 

He found the ball, half wedged under a filing cabinet, and tugged it out. He rolled across the floor, ball in hand, ready to present it to Steve. He was proud of his problem solving. Now, neither of them would be bored.

Steve and Tony were still staring at each other, shifting closer and closer. Tony's eyes flickered down to Steve's mouth. He stopped breathing. They were only millimeters away now. 

DUM-E bumped Steve's knee with the ball then held it up beseechingly. Steve jumped with a yelp and bounced back out of Tony's space. "Oh, god, DUM-E. You scared me!"

DUM-E beeped in apology. That was unusual. It was hard to startle Captain America. He knew because Tony frequently asked him to try as a Good Prank, DUM-E never managed it. DUM-E offered him the ball again.

"Oh, you want to play…" Steve shot a look to Tony, but Tony had shuffled a few inches away and was staring resolutely at the screen where the movie still played. "Okay." Steve took the ball and tossed it away.

DUM-E rolled after it, excited. He liked when it bounced off of things and he had to calculate the trajectory properly to intercept it. 

To DUM-E's delight, Steve played with him until the end of the movie. When the credits rolled, Tony leapt to his feet and shuffled out of the workshop. "I've gotta make a call," he said. "See ya later, Cap."

Steve frowned at the door he'd disappeared through until DUM-E bumped him with the ball again, and then he turned his attention back to their game. Steve took the ball and held it, squeezing it gently as he sighed down at it. "I feel like I'm doing this all wrong," he said.

DUM-E nudged the ball pointedly. Humans really had a tragic lack of focus.

 

~Five~

_ Six weeks later… _

DUM-E rolled off his charging plate, feeling refreshed, and started his Afternoon Clean-Up round. U managed the morning, and DUM-E was responsible, at 4pm, for checking the lab for anything that Wasn't Where It Should Be and putting it Where it Should. 

A stack of books by the end of Tony's desk was replaced, one by one, on the shelf against the wall. Several tools were snapped carefully into their cases and lined up in a long bin. Four coffee mugs had appeared since U's round, and DUM-E opened the dishwasher, placed them inside, then closed it again. JARVIS would run it when it was full.

Proud of his good work, DUM-E took another last spin around the lab and screeched to a halt when he found a solitary screw lying on the floor by the fabricator. He lifted the screw carefully in his claw. A close inspection determined that the screw met the requirements for Category 62A: Still Usable, not being stripped, dirty, or broken. 

DUM-E trundled across the lab and into the storage bank near the back of the room. Steve and Tony were standing, very close together as they usually did, in front of the wall of tiny drawers that housed supplies.

"I just want you to know how much you mean to me," Steve said softly, bringing one hand up to gently circle Tony's wrist. Their eyes were locked on each other's. Steve touched their lips together lightly. "I lo-"

DUM-E beeped in irritation. He raised the screw. They were standing between him and Where It Should Be. He beeped again.

"Really?" Tony said. "Now?"

Steve just laughed and shuffled them down the wall to settle in front of another set of drawers. "Let him do his job." He watched as DUM-E selected the right drawer, slid it open, placed the screw inside, and closed it again. "Good boy, DUM-E!" DUM-E preened.

"So where were we?" Tony asked.

But before Steve could answer, his cell phone started ringing shrilly. "Oh, that'll be Hill. Sorry." He shot Tony an uncomfortable look.

"It's okay, take it." Tony sighed. "Save the world or whatever." He hooked two fingers in Steve's collar and tugged him down for a kiss.

Once released, Steve bounced off through the main lab and out the doors, lifting his phone to his ear as he moved.

Tony sighed again and slumped back against the wall of drawers. "I love you too…" he said softly to no one.

 

~Six~

_ Three weeks later… _

Steve and Tony staggered into the lab, mouths pressed together, hands pawing up and down each others sides. 

"God, I've been waiting so long for this," Tony whined into Steve's mouth.

Steve hummed, his fingers finding the hem of Tony's shirt. "I'm glad we waited. It feels… more special." He tugged Tony's shirt up over his head. "Should we take this upstairs though?"

"I've got a bed here." Tony shot him a cheeky grin. He drove Steve backwards towards the cot against the wall. "And the other thing I have here is… JARVIS, blackout." The windows all went dark and the door locked with an audible click.

"Wow." Steve looked around the lab, but Tony hooked his jaw and drew their mouths together again. 

They stumbled onto the bed together, shirts off, pants open. Their hands roamed all over each others skin and they filled the space with moans, and cries, and gasps.

DUM-E sat quietly on his charging plate.

Tony reached for Steve's belt, sliding the leather through the clasp gracefully. He straddled Steve's hips, and Steve propped up on his elbows to watch. Their vital signs were wildly off normal. DUM-E monitored for a moment then filed a report with JARVIS to monitor for signs of ill-health, according to protocol. 

The clock clicked over to 11pm.

DUM-E beeped to life. He had a Very Important job to do, and so did U. U made his way over to the kitchenette and started up the blender, while DUM-E opened a drawer in the desk and pulled out a small blue case. He held it in his claw and trundled it over to Tony, arriving before U had finished with the smoothie.

"Not now, DUM-E." Tony bent to kiss a path down Steve's chest.

DUM-E beeped, insistently, and pushed the case in front of Tony's eyes, between him and Steve.

"Fuck," Tony whined.

Steve's brow creased, and DUM-E worried that he wasn't happy. "Are those pills?"

Tony snatched the case up and popped open one of the compartments. He slid off Steve's lap to sit with his legs hooked over the end of the bed instead. U arrived with the smoothie and Tony took it without complaint. "Yeah. My chest capacity is severally reduced because of the arc reactor, and my heart has been pretty badly damaged. I have to take a bunch of things. DUM-E reminds me."

"I didn't know that," Steve said softly.

"Well. It's not exactly something I advertise."

"Tony…" Steve curled up around Tony's back, one hand reaching up to spread, palm flat, over the arc reactor. "You can tell me things. I love you, I want to know."

"I love you too." Tony threw the handful of pills in his mouth and sucked on his straw. "I hate it, sometimes, that I'm so much weaker than the rest of you, that I can't even survive without augmentation when you guys can punch through walls and stuff."

Steve snorted with indignation. "Bullshit. You're just as strong as any of us, if you weren't, you wouldn't be an Avenger. We're all strong in our own ways, but that's why we mesh so well, we support each other." Steve drew Tony back on the bed until Steve was braced against the wall and Tony was settled between his legs, leaning back against his chest. 

"I kind of ruined the mood…" Tony said after a pause.

Steve laughed. "Well, DUM-E ruined the mood."

DUM-E looked around the lab, wondering what a Mood was and how he'd broken it. Everything looked intact so he disregarded the statement as human oddity.

Steve pressed kisses up Tony's neck to his cheek. "Why don't we just rest for a bit?"

Tony sighed and shuffled deeper into Steve's hold. "Yeah, that sounds good. We've waited this long, right? No rush."

"No rush."

DUM-E took the pill case back and returned it to its drawer. He settled on his charging pad, just as Steve and Tony nodded off, eyes closed, breathing slowed.

 

~Plus One~ 

_ One year later… _

Tony folded his arms over the desk and rested his chin on them, staring at the little, black velvet box that sat in front of him. "It's for Steve," he said, flicking his eyes over to DUM-E. The bot rolled closer, tilting his claw in a curious way. "I know, it's probably stupid. It's too soon, and he doesn't even seem like the type, anyway. I mean, he's never brought it up. What am I thinking?"

Tony sat back and ran his hands through his hair. "Crazy, Stark… why ruin a good thing? He's going to say no, and then it'll be awkward. Do you think he'll say no?" Tony asked DUM-E. But DUM-E couldn't answer. He zoomed his camera in on the little box but he couldn't match it to anything he'd ever recorded before. It seemed of great significance to Tony, and it was clearly A Lovely Gift for Steve, which always made Steve smile. DUM-E liked it when they were both happy.

Tony didn't seem happy, though.

"This has been the best fucking year and half of my life." He frowned at the box. "I've never wanted anything so badly in my life, and I don't think I can do it." He tipped his forehead down onto his arms again and made a pained noise. "I should just break up with him now and get it over with. It's bound to happen eventually, right? Why in god's name would he want to be with  _ me  _ forever? That makes no sense."

The door swung open, and Tony jerked violently to the side. He swung his hand wide and knocked the little box off the desk and into a bin of parts then turned and faced Steve who had just walked in. "Hey, babe."

Steve sat on the couch. "Hey. Whatcha working on?"

Tony shrugged. "Nothing much."

The room was silent for a moment, and DUM-E swung his camera from one to the other, trying to parse what this odd new tension was. 

"If you're busy… I can go," Steve said, after a long pause. His brow was twisted down, and his voice had dropped low. 

"You can do whatever you want," Tony said sharply.

Steve sat up straighter. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." Tony frowned at his hands. "Maybe… yeah, okay, you should go. I'll come up in a bit."

"No, you won't," Steve muttered under his breath.

"Excuse me?" Tony's voice tightened, dropped lower, like a growl.

"You say you'll come up later, but when you get like this, you don't. It's fine, Tony, I just wish you wouldn't lie about it."

"Lie? I'm not _ lying.  _ I just lose track of time. Seriously? If you think I'm such a liar, why are you even with me?" Tony spun in his chair so he was facing his computer, back to Steve. "Wouldn't it just be easier for you to dump me, then?"

There was another long pause. When Steve spoke, it was crackly, like his speakers had a poor connection somewhere. "Why would you say that?"

Tony didn't say anything in reply, just poked at his holoscreen. 

DUM-E looked at Steve. He was going to leave without his Very Lovely Gift. Tony had knocked it off the desk and forgotten about it. And now they weren't happy, they were mad, but they both liked giving and getting things, so maybe if Steve got his Very Lovely Gift, he wouldn't be mad anymore.

DUM-E trundled around to the other side of the desk and poked around in the spare parts bin until he came up with the little box. He held it in his claw, turning it this way and that. It didn't fit the parameters for Category 76: Things Humans Liked, but Tony had said it was for Steve, so what else could it be?

DUM-E brought the box to Steve and poked him in the knee with it.

"I don't feel like fetch right now, DUM-E," Steve snapped.

DUM-E set the box on Steve's knee and rolled back a few feet, waiting.

Steve looked down and frowned. He picked it up. "What's this?"

Tony glanced up then spun in his chair. His face went pale white. "Fuck. No, no that's not -"

Steve popped open the box. His eyes went wider and wider, and DUM-E wondered if those parts were removable because they looked like they might pop right out of his head. 

"Steve, I'm sorry, I just, um, bought that for a -"

"Yes."

"What?"

"Yes! Are you -? This is what I think it is, right?"

Tony stared for a moment, mouth opening and closing until DUM-E did a full external input diagnostics check in case he'd lost audio. But then Tony spoke. "...You're saying yes?"

"If you're asking me to marry you, of course I'm saying yes."

"I - I'd changed my mind, I wasn't going to ask - _ not because I didn't want to! -  _ because I thought you'd say no."

"Why would I say no?" Steve tugged a shiny ring out of the box and rolled it between his fingers. 

"Because it means being stuck with me for life…?"

Steve reached out and beckoned Tony over. The unhappy look from before had been exchanged for another one, a sadder one. "Come here." Tony stood and crossed the workshop to settle on the couch next to Steve. Steve threw his legs over Tony's lap and scooched up close. He cupped Tony's cheek with one hand. "There's nowhere else in the whole world I'd rather be stuck. I love you, Tony Stark, please marry me."

"Um. That's my line," Tony choked out, eyes fixed on the ring in Steve's hand. 

"Well then, do it." Steve dropped the ring to his palm, held it out, and Tony took it. He lifted it into the light.

"I - you. Uh." Tony took a deep breath then let it out slowly. He brought his eyes up from the ring to Steve's face. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't know what else to say, that's just - that's it. I want this, us, forever, if you'll have it. Marry me?"

"Yes." Steve watched as Tony slid the ring onto his finger then pulled him into a heated kiss, Tony's arms coming up to wrap around Steve's neck. DUM-E knew what rings on fingers meant. He'd compiled data from the movies and TV shows Tony watched in the lab. Rings meant love and promises. And happy.

DUM-E observed them carefully. They were both flushed and overheated. Tony's heart rate was several standard deviations above normal, and Steve's hands kept opening and closing. They were both making strange noises. DUM-E tipped his camera one way then the other, then, unsure of what to do, he rolled his way back to his charging plate and started to go into standby mode.

Before he disconnected completely, DUM-E considered their unusual vital signs then filed a report with JARVIS to monitor for signs of ill-health, according to protocol. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can follow me on tumblr at festiveferret.tumblr.com <3


End file.
